


in this cruel world (i saw you)

by communistynkk



Series: in the line of duty [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Shingeki no Kyojin Fusion, Character Death, Eventual Smut, M/M, Mild Gore, Min Yoongi | Suga is Bad at Feelings, POV First Person, Yoonkook Week, but it's soft smut if that makes sense, from yoongi's perspective, it's an attack on titan au, lots of death, of course there will be death haha, yoongi's the captain and jungkook's his right hand
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:07:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23782873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/communistynkk/pseuds/communistynkk
Summary: "Don't get too attached," I told myself over and over again. "If you do, who knows what will happen to you if you lose him?"(or: in a world where everything may look desolate, there's always someone who keeps you above water.)
Relationships: Jeon Jungkook/Min Yoongi | Suga, mentioned vmin - Relationship
Series: in the line of duty [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1798228
Comments: 11
Kudos: 17





	in this cruel world (i saw you)

**Author's Note:**

> i honestly don't know which yoonkook week category this would be in between horror/supernatural, so let's go with both?
> 
> nonetheless, I'm really proud of this work, as AoT has come back into my life recently with season 4 coming soon and the manga going absolutely BONKERS right now, like holy SHIT. 
> 
> with that being said, please enjoy. :)

_Here's the official soundtrack if you want to really immerse[yourself.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6G1yylbkuV3dxeOYhdeguk?si=W1a1XBmoScOlVrN2ullalQ)_

_~~~_

_Year 855 - Ten years after the breach of Wall Maria_

I was in my office, completing some unnecessary paperwork Hoseok asked me to do, and I heard a knock on my door. I called out, “Come in,” and without looking, I could tell it was Jungkook who had come to see me. “What is it, Jungkook?” I asked, getting straight to the point.

He cleared his throat before speaking. “Commander Kim wants to see you in his office. He said it was urgent.” I put my pen down and got up immediately, seeing that the younger was already holding the door open for me to go through. I thanked him and walked down the corridor leisurely, Jungkook following closely behind; as expected from my right-hand.

We reached Namjoon’s office shortly and entered, not bothering to knock. Inside, I saw the rest of my squad—Kihyun, Taehyung, and Yeonjun—and Hoseok, sitting in a semicircle of chairs around the commander’s desk. Two chairs were empty for me and Jungkook, but in typical Jungkook-fashion, he remained standing by my chair. I asked him why he never sat with me during meetings, to which he simply responded, "It's not my place to act leisurely in my captain's presence, especially in meetings." _What a great soldier he's become,_ I thought to myself.

"Thank you for joining us, Captain," Namjoon greeted me, his expression serious. "Now that we're all here, we can begin."

Usually, during these strategic meets, I tend to tune out until my name is mentioned. "Yoongi, you and your squad will be in the centermost part of the formation. Except for Yeonjun, that is, who will be in the right-wing with Captain Jackson since he doesn’t have much experience yet."

I nodded once, not objecting to his plan. However, Kihyun inquired, "I get that Yeonjun's a new recruit, but isn't that all the more reason for him to be in the center with the rest of us? He participated in the struggle for Trost last month and survived.” The young man in question blushed, looking sheepish as he said, “It’s okay, Kihyun. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“If the kid’s fine with it, then let it be,” I said, knowing why Namjoon had made that decision in the first place. Not only was Jackson the captain best suited for new recruits, but having an elite cadet like Yeonjun on that side would be our best bet. The right side is usually where we suffer the most casualties thanks to Abnormals, and from what I heard, the kid dealt a lot of damage in Trost when it came to those Titans. “Let’s move on to whatever else Joon has to tell us.”

The commander grinned at my pet name for him; it was only okay when _I_ called him that. He continued on with his plan, but again, I tuned out. If there was anything else I missed, I would ask Jungkook to fill me in afterward. Once we finished, I immediately got up and stalked back to my office to get the rest of the paperwork over with. As I walked away with Jungkook in tow, I could hear Hoseok make casual conversation with Kihyun and Taehyung offered to take the new kid back to his quarters.

  
  


It was a bit odd, considering we had just finished our briefing for the expedition next week. They were all acting like we may not be facing certain death soon; like we’re only days away from meeting our untimely, gory deaths.

Or maybe it was just me who had a bad feeling about this mission.

“Captain,” Jungkook snaps me out of my thoughts. “Is everything okay? You look dazed.”

I saw him out of the corner of my eye, but I refocused on the hallway in front of me. “I’m fine,” I wave dismissively. “Don’t worry about me and go back to your quarters. You’re not needed for the rest of the day.”

“But Captain—”

Before the kid could argue with me, I stepped into my office and shut the door behind me. I heaved a sigh and leaned my back against the wood. A nagging voice in the back of my mind chided me for being dismissive of my vice-captain, but I felt like my negative energy was going to affect him somehow and I couldn’t afford to do that to him.

My back slid down against the door and I sat on the floor for a while, getting lost in my thoughts. As I sat, I unintentionally eavesdropped on some passing conversations in the hallway; one was about what dinner was going to be tonight, while another was a discussion about some Titan-government conspiracy. (Those are usually the most ridiculous.) However, one caught my attention, as I heard someone was asking Jungkook something.

_“Hey, why are you sitting out here, Jeon?”_ Sounded like it was Hoseok.

_“Just in case Captain needs me for something.”_

I heard Hoseok scoff. _“Then why aren’t you inside his office like usual? Did Yoongi finally grow tired of seeing your face all the time?”_

Jungkook chuckled. _“Probably, and I don’t blame him either. I would grow tired of my face, too.”_

_“Nonsense! I’d give_ anything _to see your handsome face looking out for me every day!”_ I imagined Hoseok pinching the kid’s cheeks when he said that. Jungkook laughed, reiterating that he’s fine the way he is. Knowing Hoseok, however, he wasn’t going to let me get away with this. He knocked on my door, pounding his fists against the dense wood.

_“HEY, YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD! LET THE KID REST HIS BOTTOM ON A MORE COMFORTABLE SURFACE INSTEAD OF THE COLD STONE FLOOR!”_ He shouted. I heard Jungkook stand up and attempt to calm him down, but his attempts were futile. Before Hoseok could bruise his hands, I stood up from my spot, brushed the dust off my trousers, and sighed as I opened the door.

“Come in,” I said to my right-hand, pointedly ignoring the cheeky soldier standing next to him. He nervously bit his lip, then stepped into my office. I slammed the door in Hoseok’s face, then made my way to my desk to continue my paperwork. “Either make yourself useful or sit over there, but don’t distract me,” I ordered. Unfazed, Jungkook responds, “Yes, sir.”

He settled on dusting my bookshelves, which were covered with grime and dirt due to lack of use. As he swept the books, he came across a thick book, complete with a leather-bound cover and buckle, embellished with the insignia of the Survey Corps. He quietly read the title, _“‘History of the Survey Corps.’_ Captain, have you read this before?”

I lifted my head up briefly to look, but I didn’t recognize it. “No, I haven’t. If you’d like, you can take it with you and read it.”

“Really? You’d let me?” Jungkook asked with what sounded like utter joy and curiosity in his voice. I nodded absentmindedly, focusing more on my work. I heard his feet pace towards the chair I kept by my desk, and he placed the book on the table with a loud _thud!_ His hands froze and he murmured an apology. “Sorry, I know you told me not to be distracting.”

I brushed it off. “It’s fine,” I said. “I’m almost done anyway.”

He nodded, then opened the book as carefully as he could, careful not to make any distracting noises. The way his lips were pouted caused me to look at him, take in the expression he made, and then I began to chuckle. The younger looked back at me, furrowing his eyebrows. “What’s so funny?”

I couldn’t stop myself at that moment. The face he made was just too _cute_ to resist one glance at him. I committed it to memory so that I could remember it as my life flashed before my eyes while being devoured by a bloodthirsty Titan.

Just in case, I reminded myself again.

_Don’t get too attached._

"Get back to work, Jeon," I said, futilely fighting to get the grin off of my face.

~~~

_D-6_

“Say, Vice-Captain Jeon...” Yeonjun spoke up while our squad (save for Kihyun) was talking in the common room, “I heard that you graduated as the top cadet in your year. Why didn’t you join the Military Police like the other elite cadets?”

Jungkook took a sip of tea from his mug as he pondered over the question. This wasn’t a new question for him, per se—in fact, it was the first thing _I_ asked him when he joined three years ago. Instead of answering for him, though, I chose to stay silent and see how he would answer this time.

“I had heard the same about you, Yeonjun,” he replied with a smirk. “So let me ask you this: why did _you_ decide to join the Scouts over the MP? Maybe we had the same reason.”

The young man pressed his lips into a tight line, then he took a bite of the bread in his hand. “When the Titans first broke into my hometown all those years ago, I was forced to see the bloodlust firsthand. Soobin, my brother, he... he was eaten right in front of me.” His eyes were glazed over with fear like he was reliving that day in his head. As soon as he finished recounting that painful memory, Taehyung reached out to squeeze his hand, to comfort him and keep him grounded.

“No one from my family made it to the boats except for me.” A single tear fell down his cheek, which he quickly wiped away. “But every time I felt like giving in to my misery, _his_ last words echo in my mind: ‘Live on and remember us.’ I still hear it in my nightmares.”

The silence between us that followed was deafening, tuning out any surrounding conversations taking place in the room.

Yeonjun sniffled. “I was just a scared little boy with nothing and no one to live for, just trying to survive in the refugee camps. But when the soldiers started recruiting kids to join the military, with promises of meals every day and a mattress to sleep on every night, I figured that there was no other choice.” He clenched his left hand into a fist and continued, “And when it came to what branch I wanted to join, I couldn’t stop thinking about how my family was subject to the bloodlust of the Titans, so I decided to join the Survey Corps to exact my revenge.”

_Well,_ that _was heavier than I was expecting,_ I thought. I looked over at Jungkook to see how he was going to answer. For a while, he didn’t say anything, instead choosing to fiddle with his switchblade—a family heirloom. After some time, he finally shared his story.

“I lost my family to the Titans, too,” he said, “I had two older sisters, Somin and Jiwoo, who were in the Survey Corps five years before the first breach happened. They fought valiantly, I was told, which was no surprise to me since I always knew them as the toughest girls around.” He chuckled, probably thinking of them. “When the wall was breached, I was able to get to the boats safely before they departed, thanks to my father's persuasion. But then, I realized that I wasn’t going to see him or my mother again.”

I nodded solemnly, quietly paying my respects to his family (and the Jeon sisters, who I knew personally).

Jungkook then folded his blade and put it in his jacket pocket. He fixed a tense stare at the young man who was listening intently. "I always wanted to be a soldier in the Corps, and the tragedy of my family just motivated me even more. As soon as I was old enough, I signed up to be a cadet and trained hard for three years. I excelled in everything—3DMG, Titan history, cannon firing, and hand to hand combat—and before I knew it, I graduated at the top of my class."

Yeonjun gulped, intimidated by his senior.

"I refused to let my sisters and parents die in vain, so despite being number one and guaranteed a comfortable life in the inner wall, I owed it to them and myself to take vengeance on the giants.” He leaned towards the kid, consequently making the latter lean back. “I owed it to them to defeat the evil that has plagued our country."

I grinned. _This_ was _the story I'd heard before, told with the same amount of determination._

Yeonjun broke away from Jungkook’s stare, focusing his eyes on his plate of bread. “I’m glad I’m not the only one who had to share such a terrible experience, and I’m sorry for your loss, Vice-Captain.” His senior blinked, then shook his head. “No need to apologize; I don’t let the past distract me from what’s to come, and there’s going to be a _lot,_ especially with the expedition next week.”

“But it looks like fresh meat these days are driven by killing,” Taehyung interjected, attempting to humor us. I nodded in agreement, adding, “Better than those cowards who can’t face their folks back home because they didn’t get into the MP.” I drank from my mug of tea as my squadmates hummed in agreement.

Changing the subject to something lighter, I asked, “So, how’s your ‘special friend’ doing, Taehyung? I heard that you got to visit him two weeks ago.” Taehyung blushed, as he never really talked about his lover very often. “Jimin’s good. I told him you said hi, and he wanted me to tell you to make sure I don’t die.” 

I laughed dryly, “No pressure or anything.”

Since the two were talking about their reasons for joining, that prompted the new kid to ask, “So why did _you_ join the Corps, Officer Kim?” With a boxy smile, Taehyung replied, “My father was a soldier in the Garrison for twenty years, and when I told him I wanted to be a soldier too, he said the Survey Corps is the best fit for me!”

“Was he right?”

“Absolutely not!” Taehyung confessed. "But I want to prove that I’m a capable soldier—not just to my father, but to everyone I’m close with.”

“Especially your _boyfriend,”_ Jungkook teased.

Taehyung laughed, holding his right hand up for everyone to see. “I think you mean _fiance.”_

I almost spat out my tea. “You did it? You proposed?”

_“You proposed?!”_ Kihyun had barged into the room at that moment, shock written all over his face. The cheeky soldier nodded gleefully, going on about how he did it and Jimin’s reaction. Kihyun, being the hopeless romantic he is, scrambled to sit in the chair next to Taehyung and listen to his story. 

The lover boy stared at the gold band as he recalled the memory. “We were laying together in his tiny bed and I just asked him to marry me. He immediately said yes, obviously, but then...” He paused for a moment, his grin melting into a vacant expression. “Then he asked if that meant I was retiring from the Survey Corps.” The elder soldier smacked Taehyung’s head, his face contorted into a frustrated frown. “Why would you propose _before_ going on an expedition, you idiot? You’re making it really hard to root for you!”

Taehyung replied defensively, “I just wanted to make sure he would spend the rest of my life with him, even if a Titan bites off my dick!”

“You said he’d been in love with you since you were kids! Of _course_ he’ll love you, dickless or not!” Kihyun fired back.

The two went at it, arguing about how stupid Taehyung was being for underestimating his relationship, while Jungkook comforted Yeonjun after making him remember his past. “Just know that if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here for you. Don’t let my title intimidate you, okay?” He murmured a soft _okay,_ and Jungkook patted his back consolingly with a soft smile on his lips. Sighing, he stood up and walked to the bickering duo, getting the two off of each other. Subconsciously, I started to smile, suddenly reminded of how he would take extra care of new recruits.

Subconsciously, I started to think about how I really felt about him, and then immediately blocked those thoughts out. _Don’t get too attached._

~~~

_D-5_

"Here’s the intel we’ve gathered from the last expedition.”

I was sitting in Namjoon’s office, reading through some notes compiled by the research squad, headed by the intelligent (and totally eccentric) Section Commander Kim Seokjin. Scanning through, it was mostly just information we already know about from the past few years—in other words: no new developments had been made since the breach. I handed the papers back. “Joon, we’re getting nowhere with what we have right now. How are we supposed to reduce the death toll when we go on expeditions?”

Namjoon sighed. “I know what the situation looks like right now, but once Kim completes his investigations, we’ll have _something_ to go off of.” He laid the papers on his desk, then crossed his arms and rested them on the desk. “But that’s not the only reason why I brought you in here. I needed to ask you about something.” I knitted my eyebrows together. “Is that why you said not to tell Jeon to come with me?” He nodded, then asked seriously, “We may not have a lot of time left, Yoongi. Until when are you going to suppress your feelings?”

_I should’ve known he was gonna ask me about that,_ I thought. Coughing once into my fist, I stayed quiet whilst avoiding eye contact. _I don’t need this right now._

“Yoongi,” Joon said. “I know that you don’t want to get ‘too attached’ or whatever, but can’t you let yourself live a little? Also, I don’t know about you, but I don’t stare at _my_ fellow officers like they hold the stars in their eyes. You’re not fooling anyone.”

“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about,” I countered.

The commander just shrugged. “I’m just saying, Yoons. If I were you, I’d do something if sudden death was looming around the corner for me, despite my level of skill in Titan killing.” He reached for his glasses perched on top of his head, putting them on and going over the papers again. “You’ll regret it later.” I sighed. “I don’t need relationship counseling from _you_ of all people, _Commander._ You’ve basically sworn them off for as long as I’ve known you.” Before I could go on, someone knocked on the door. Namjoon told them to come in, and the door opened to reveal none other than Section Commander Kim.

_“Commander!!”_ He greeted enthusiastically, “I’ve got it! After a week of all-nighters, _I got it!!”_ He paused to take a deep breath, then noticed my presence in the room. “Oh, hey Yoongo! Fancy seeing you here!” I waved, not really caring about how Seokjin mispronounced my name (on purpose) again. As he began to go on a rant about his recent findings, I took that opportunity to make an exit, but not without Joon saying, “Think about it! Be selfish and make a damn move!”

I shut the door. _I don’t have time for this,_ I thought, making my way to my office to finish my paperwork.

When I opened the door to my office, I saw Jungkook sitting on the couch—like he usually does—reading the Survey Corps history book he found. Judging by how his eyebrows were knit and how his lips were pouted (I tried not to stare as Joon’s words echoed in my mind), he was enjoying himself with the book. He’s always been a bookworm and diligent student, having graduated at the top of his class in both Titan combat and in-class instruction. He didn’t even notice that I’d walked in, so I decided not to interrupt him and just go to my desk quietly.

As I worked, I occasionally glanced over at him and studied his face as he read. His bottom caught under his buck teeth, his fingers scratching his chin, the candlelight flickering in his brown doe eyes, his bangs falling gently into said eyes—I never realized how everything about this man was _so_ endearing to me.

Subconsciously, I bit my lip, recalling Namjoon’s words again: _If I were you, I’d do something if sudden death was looming around the corner for me, despite my level of skill in Titan killing._

Involuntarily, an image flashed in my head of blood was splattered all around the grass. My comrades’ limp forms laid scattered—some with missing limbs, some beheaded, some barely hanging on to whatever life force they had.

This wouldn’t be the first time I had a flashback, but something stood out from this recollection: the severed head laid on its side in front of me, their fearful eyes boring into mine. Their fearful _doe eyes_ boring into mine.

I jumped in my chair, cursing louder than I anticipated, which subsequently startled Jungkook from his reading. He blinked, then his expression melted into one of concern. “Captain? Is everything okay?” He asked, immediately shutting his book and getting up to come and check on me.

“I, uh...” I stuttered, trying to figure out how to get out of this. “I saw a... cockroach...”

As expected, Jungkook didn’t buy it, evidenced by his scoff and a subtle grin. “You’re trying to tell me that _humanity’s strongest soldier_ was defeated by a mere _insect?”_ He touched my forehead with a gentle hand, leaning down to get a good look at my face.

He wasn’t looking directly into my eyes, but the horrific image flashed back into them. Reflexively, I flinched and turned my head away from his vision. I covered my mouth with my right hand, trying to muffle the labored breathing I was letting out. I wasn’t looking at Jungkook, but I heard him speak, his voice tinted in serious concern. “Captain? Should I get a doctor?”

“I’m fine, Kook,” I said, trying to sound confident. I heave a deep breath and let out a steady exhale. “I’m fine.”

Again, he wasn’t convinced, but he let it go, holding his hands up and backing away in surrender. “Whatever you say, Captain.”

Even though he backed off, he didn’t immediately go back to reading his book. Like a good second-in-command, he remained at my side until he was one-hundred percent sure that I was okay. I didn’t bother telling him to go away since he wouldn't listen to me anyway.

"So..." I cleared my throat, struggling to come up with a topic of interest, "what have you learned from that history book so far?"

I mentally kicked myself. _Good going, Captain Awkward._

I did manage to get a chuckle out of Jungkook, though, so I'll take it as a win. "I applaud you for the attempt at small talk, Captain," he said. He strode over to the desk and opened the book, caressing the leather cover. "Did you know that, before 3D Maneuver Gear was developed, the Corps used _giant tree limbs_ to slice the Titans' napes?"

He went on about the origins of 3D Maneuver Gear, and although I wasn't a huge history buff, I listened. Of course, not _everything_ was exciting, but it was Jungkook, and anything was interesting to him.

I imagined his decapitated head again.

I ignored it and listened to him explain the manufacturing process of iron bamboo.

~~~

_D-3_

_"YOONGO!!"_

Section Commander Kim was barreling down the corridors as he called for me. Thankfully, my lack of height and his lack of perception kept me safe for a good five minutes—until he ran into me.

"Ah, Yoongo! I've been looking for you _everywhere!"_ He bent down to pat my head, which was something I absolutely _despised._ "Commander Kim told me to speak with you about the expedition coming soon!" Jungkook, who had been holding me back from kicking Seokjin's ass, smiled weakly and spoke for me. "You can meet us in the Captain's office, Section Commander. We were just heading there now."

Seokjin cast a knowing look my way, glancing between Jungkook's strong biceps arms around me and my flushed expression while wiggling his eyebrows. "Oh, are you busy at the moment, Min? Maybe I should just come by later." I knew what he was doing and quickly unlatched myself from Jungkook's hold. I straightened up and folded my arms over my chest, gesturing down the corridor with my head. "Down this way."

The three of us started towards my office, but as soon as Seokjin and I stepped over the threshold, he blocked my second-in-command from coming in, too. "Sorry, Kookie, but this information is _confidential_ for the Captain," he said, sounding apologetic. "I'm afraid you'll have to wait until we're done talking." His eyes blinked, like a deer wandering the woods during hunting season, then replied. "Oh, uh, I see..."

"Vice-Captain Jeon!" Yeonjun stopped to greet Jungkook. He was holding some cleaning equipment for the stables. The officer in question turned around and greeted him properly, all smiles and bright eyes. I found myself smiling as well. I reverted back to a frown when I noticed Seokjin making mocking faces at me, staring him down with my nastiest glare.

"Hello, Yeonjun! Are you going to clean the stables?" Jungkook asked, grimacing at the question. (He was probably remembering when _he_ got stuck with that duty as a new recruit.) Yeonjun nodded, smiling weakly, "Officer Kim asked me to do it, but he said he would come by and help later."

"Oh, forget _him_ —wait, which Kim?" Seokjin asked. When Yeonjun answered with "Taehyung," the eccentric section commander laughed and pushed Jungkook towards the kid. "Kookie will be more helpful to you than Tae, _trust me._ I need to discuss something with Yoongo, anyways." Jungkook narrowed his eyes, then looked over at me to get permission. I rolled my eyes, mostly because of Seokjin's antics. "Yeah, go ahead, Kook." He nodded, slightly bowing his head toward me, then headed off with the new recruit. Once he was out of sight, Seokjin pushed me into my office and shut the door behind him.

Before he could open his mouth and explain what he was going to say, I beat him to it. "So did Joon send you or what?" He smiled as he adjusted his glasses, trying (and failing) to look cool. "Not exactly, since I came here of my own free will, but he _might_ have had some influence."

"If it's about Jungkook, I don't need a second opinion, Seokjin," I said dismissively. "I already heard enough from him yesterday." I turned away to stack some papers sitting on my desk, just to give me something to do.

"Hm, I'm sure you did," he agreed, but he sounded sarcastic. "But I'm sure he didn't tell you about your _will."_

I turned to face him when I heard the sound of paper being unfolded. He was holding up a small sheet of parchment, which was stained with a tea spot on the bottom of the page—my will from the last expedition. Not understanding what he's trying to get at, I shrugged and went back to stacking. "Yeah, I wrote that before the expedition into Wall Rose. It's the same one I always write."

"Oh, _is it now,_ Yoongi?" Seokjin asked. When he pronounced my name properly, I knew he was actually being serious.

Before I acted, he read what I wrote out loud. "'To whom it may concern: if you've received this, that means I'm entrusting you with handing this message to the people who _are_ of concern. These people are quite special to me, as if it wasn't for them, our expeditions wouldn't have been successful. These people are the ones that keep me sane in this bleak, cruel world, where we're at the mercy of the mindless beasts we call Titans. And even though they can be troublesome, I value them with all of my life.'"

I turned around completely, leaning back on the edge of the desk with my arms crossed, then Seokjin continued. "'For Kihyun, who had proved to be a great asset to our squad with his quick wit and speed, I would like for him to keep the handkerchief I received from my enlistment day. For Taehyung, whose compassion and craftiness had saved me more than once, I'd like for him to keep the dagger I've had since I was a kid. For Hoseok, who had always been warm and unassuming, yet also annoying, I'd like for him to have my 3DMG...'"

Before he read out the last person, I said, "That's enough."

However, in typical Seokjin fashion, he finished it off. “‘And to the most precious soldier in my squad: the one who saw me at my worst, the one who stuck by me no matter what, the one who I've grown to _love so dearly!!—”_ (He emphasized for dramatic effect.) “ _—_ I entrust him with my mother’s wedding ring'—hey!" I stalked over and snatched the parchment out of his hands, then proceeded to shred it to pieces with my hands. I glared daggers into his eyes, but it didn't really seem to phase him all that much. Instead, he just kept his expression calm, his lips pressed into a tight line.

"Yoongi, Namjoon's right," he started. "You can't just _write out_ your feelings like that, especially _those_ kinds of feelings! Just because you lead your life where you're _constantly_ on the brink of death doesn't mean you can't be _normal!!"_

"I can't live normally, Seokjin! _I never have and never will!"_ I found myself shouting at him. "Even though I _love_ him, I can't let myself _think_ about him for fear that I'll get too attached. I’ve lost too many comrades already, and it wasn’t easy to just _forget them_ and move on with my life. I can’t imagine losing him as a comrade, much less as my _lover._ I...” I trailed off, embarrassed to say the next thing. _I wouldn’t be able to carry on living if I failed to protect him._

Seokjin crossed his arms over his chest, staring down at me. "You're going to let _fear_ stand in the way of expressing your emotions to the one you love?" He scoffed, "That just sounds like a fucking excuse to me.”

“Like _you’d_ know,” I quipped, “the guy who spends his days hypothesizing how Titans can take a shit.” He scoffed, a look of frustration on his face. “You know who sounds just like you?"

I challenged his claim. "Who?"

_"The very man you're in love with!!"_

As I was about to fire back with a witty comeback, I reeled back my words when I realized what Seokjin just said.

“That’s bullshit,” I said, chuckling in disbelief. “You’re always trying to get a reaction out of me, Kim. But it’s not funny this time, not when it comes to Jungkook.”

“Clearly,” he answered simply, unfazed by my dismissive attitude. “You intend to leave him your mother’s wedding ring, just in case you never get to grow old and retire comfortably together.” He crossed his arms and recited what I’d written in the will verbatim: “‘In times where life may be difficult and dull, where the world looks bleak and forlorn, I hope this ring will bring you comfort and your faith will be restored. I’m not very good with words, and you know I’ve never been the best at showing affection, but just know that...”

“‘...I love you, more than anyone in the world.’”

I finished the sentence, which surprised both Seokjin and me.

Begrudgingly, I sighed and agreed with the section commander. “Don’t get used to hearing it, but... you’re right, Seokjin. Maybe I should do something about this before the expedition.” He smiled, reaching out to pat me on the shoulder. “I’m proud of you for willing to show your feelings. Kookie is lucky to have such a brave and talented man in his life.”

“Oh, trust me, he’s _much_ braver and more talented than I am,” I replied, but then I took Seokjin’s hand off of my shoulder and requested (gently), “but don’t tell him I said that. I have an ego.” He held his hands up in surrender, saying, “You have my word,” then he smirked and looked at me mischievously, “but can I tell everyone that you _actually_ complimented me?”

“Just this once,” I complied. He jumped gleefully, hugging me tightly and smothering me. Up close, Seokjin smelled like rotting corpses and... were those _flowers? What the hell goes_ on _in that Titan study room?_ I wondered. Before I could ask, Namjoon knocked and opened the door. He wasn’t fazed by our positions and just simply grinned widely. “He finally realized, huh?” he asked, tilting his head slightly. Seokjin kept me constrained in his hold as he exploded:

_“THE CAPTAIN HAS REALIZED HIS ROMANTIC FEELINGS!!”_

“Shut up, you idiot!” I said, straining to cover his loud mouth. “Tell him to get off of me, Joon!” But of course, my pleas landed on deaf ears, as the commander just stepped forward and pinched my cheek. “You’re so cute when you’re not emotionally constipated.” I glared at him. "I’m going to kill both of you," I affirmed. "That’s a threat, not a promise."

“Captain! Are you okay?”

Fate also seemed to be pushing us together, but not physically like Seokjin and Namjoon did, finally freeing me from his clutches. “Uh, I’m okay,” I assured him. “Seokjin was just... teaching me a new wrestling move, in case we need to fight a human...”

Joon, one of the two traitors stood behind me, added unhelpfully, “Not like you needed it. I’m pretty sure you were going to deck him if I hadn’t come in.” They laughed at that notion, ignoring the staredown I was giving them. “Seriously, I _will_ kill you.”

Jungkook just stood, confused, but laughed it off like he usually does when Seokjin’s around. “Well, I’m done cleaning with Yeonjun. Should we go ahead and start the training session?” I was going to answer his question, but in my head, I could only recall how Seokjin said I sounded like _"the man who I'm in love with."_ And said man was standing right in front of me.

Before my mouth could catch up to my brain, I blurted out, "In love with me?"

"...sorry?"

Jungkook leaned down, trying to look me in the eye. He looked puzzled, like he didn't hear me properly. _Did he hear what I said?_

Assuming he didn't, I just answered his question, fighting down the blush that was creeping up to my cheeks. "Uh, yeah. Yes, let's, uh, start the... the training." I briskly walked away after that, my arms folded behind my back, too embarrassed to look back and see the damage I had done.

~~~

_Later that day..._

The moon had already risen when I looked out the window for the first time.

To avoid the embarrassment from this afternoon, I had locked myself in my office for the rest of the day, working on... whatever I had to do. I just needed _something_ to do. Namjoon's voice echoed through my head, " _We may not have a lot of time left, Yoongi. Until when are you going to suppress your feelings?"_ Followed by Seokjin saying, " _Just because you lead your life where you're constantly on the brink of death doesn't mean you can't be_ normal!!"

Then my own... _"Even though I_ love _him, I can't let myself_ think _about him for fear that I'll get too attached."_

"I _can't_ get too attached," I repeated, "so why did I make that stupid promise to Jin in the first place?"

A soft knock on the door startled me out of my personal monologue, and before I could ask who it was, they opened the door and stepped in. It was Jungkook.

"Oh, hey," I said, trying to sound casual and not like I was just thinking about him. "I, uh, thought you already went to your quarters." His expression is blank, which was unusual for Kook, since I've always seen him more upbeat and not high strung.

"Captain. I need to double-check something with you."

_I have a bad feeling about this,_ I thought, butterflies fluttering in my stomach. Instead, I nodded and asked him to continue. “Go ahead, Kook.”

The room was silent for what felt like an hour, but it was only a few minutes. Jungkook was still standing by the door, but he was fidgeting, tapping his toes against the wood floor and playing with his fingers. _He’s nervous,_ I realized. Now I had a _really_ bad feeling. As the agonizing quiet went on, neither of us moving from our spots, I decided to make the first move and stood up from my chair. He flinched as my feet hit the floor, but he remained standing in his spot. I walked and sat at the table he usually sat at, gesturing for him to take a seat across from me.

Hesitantly, he slowly makes his way to the opposing chair and seats himself. He placed his hands on the table and shakily exhaled a breath he’d been holding in. Again, I said, “Go ahead, Kook. What do you need to ask me?”

Biting his bottom lip, he finally spoke, “Captain... Earlier, when I came to your office after helping Yeonjun, I accidentally... eavesdropped on some of your conversation with Jin.”

My heart stopped. _Oh no,_ I thought, but aloud, I just said, “Oh.”

“I didn’t mean to!” He clarified after seeing my facial expression. “I was just at the wrong place at the wrong time, that’s all!” Jungkook drummed his fingers against the tabletop, attempting to vent out his nervous energy as we talked. “But you can’t blame me, either. Jin was literally _shouting_ when he said—”

“Yeah, I remember what he said,” I deadpanned. I wasn’t planning on telling Jungkook about my feelings until the day before the expedition, but it seemed like fate really liked fucking around with my life. _Here goes nothing,_ I sighed, and began to explain myself.

“He was trying to make me... _feel_ things, which you know is something I’m not the best at. I don’t like it, since it can distract me from what my job is, as humanity’s strongest soldier and as a captain in the Survey Corps. Remember I told you about the first time I lost a comrade? I let my emotions get the best of me, and in a rage, I massacred a horde of Titans. That doesn’t sound bad—since when is killing Titans a bad thing—but when we returned, I didn’t come out of my room for a month. I had no energy and was too depressed to do anything at all, and it was so bad, even _Namjoon_ had to come and knock some sense into me.” I paused to look up and looked over at Jungkook, who was focused on his hands. “That day was also the day you were assigned to my squad.”

He stopped drumming his fingers, looking up and leveling his gaze with mine. His eyes twinkled, and I saw the young man from back then—the young man who naively thought that he was capable of slaying every Titan in existence, only because he had the skills. The young man who, when he witnessed Jin’s squad being butchered by the merciless giants, cried for days because he realized that his job wasn’t just killing Titans, but also protecting humanity. The young man whose older sisters spoke of so fondly and were so excited to visit after the expedition wrapped up.

I continued on, now that I had his undivided attention. “Although you’re only twenty-four, Jungkook, you had more than proved himself to be worthy of the title Vice-Captain. You’ve proved yourself to be a son your family can be proud of, and the soldier humanity can count on. You’ve proved to me that I could give my life and mankind would still be protected—”

“Don’t talk like that.”

I glanced over at him again, seeing Jungkook wipe away tears that have spilled down his cheeks. “What do you mean?” He sniffled, then replied. “If you’re going to compliment me, then do it without mentioning you dying.”

“It’s something that’s going to happen eventually,” I said coldly. “I have to be realistic, don’t I?”

“Maybe you should tone down on reality and act more human, _Captain,”_ he replies, his tone tinged with annoyance.

I stood from my chair, my hands balled into fists. “How do you think I should go about that then, _Jungkook?”_ He followed my example, standing up so fast that his chair fell back. “Tell me the truth,” he answered, tightening his jaw. “What truth?” I challenged.

“You know what I’m talking about,” he countered.

“I don’t think I do.”

“So you’re just going to make _me_ say it, then?”

“I guess you’ll have to since I don’t know.” Subconsciously, I felt myself moving closer and closer to him as we went back and forth.

For a minute, Jungkook didn’t say anything, taking in. Then, he finally whispered, “Are you... in love with me, Captain?”

I held my breath, my eyes widened slightly. Of all things I expected him to say, I didn’t expect _that. How should I answer him?_ I thought, _Should I tell him the truth? Should I laugh it off? No, he might get offended by that..._

I reached up and cupped his face with my right hand. _But if I do tell him the truth, what good will that do?_ Jungkook slightly nuzzled into the touch, causing my nerves to go on overdrive.

_What good... will that do..._

I exhaled, deciding what to answer with.

“'To whom it may concern: if you've received this, that means I'm entrusting you with handing this message to the people who _are_ of concern. These people are quite special to me, as if it wasn't for them, our expeditions wouldn't have been successful. These people are the ones that keep me sane in this bleak, cruel world, where we're at the mercy of the mindless beasts we call Titans. And even though they can be troublesome, I value them with all of my life.'”

He reached up to hold the hand that was caressing his face, urging me to continue.

“'For Kihyun, who had proved to be a great asset to our squad with his quick wit and speed, I would like for him to keep the handkerchief I received from my enlistment day. For Taehyung, whose compassion and craftiness had saved me more than once, I'd like for him to keep the dagger I've had since I was a kid. For Hoseok, who had always been warm and unassuming, yet also annoying, I'd like for him to have my 3DMG, as I know he’d use it wisely and effectively in battle.

“‘And to the most precious soldier in my squad: the one who saw me at my worst, the one who stuck by me no matter what, the one who I've grown to love so dearly...’” I felt tears stream down my cheeks, which I hastily wiped away. I heard him choke back a sob as he quietly told me to take my time. 

“‘...I entrust him with my mother’s wedding ring. In times where life may be difficult and dull, where the world looks bleak and forlorn, I hope this ring will bring you comfort and your faith will be restored. I’m not very good with words, and you know I’ve never been the best at showing affection, but just know that...’”

I reached up with my other hand, brushing my fingertips over the tear tracks on his cheeks. With glistening eyes, Jungkook gazed upon me, the corners of his lips stretching into a sad smile.

“...yes, Jungkook. I am in love with you, and until my last breath, I always will be.”

I barely heard myself say those last few words, but it seemed like he did, as he slowly lifted his hands and held my face. Then, he leaned in and pressed his lips to my cheeks, my nose, my forehead, and finally...

“I don’t think it’s appropriate for a second-in-command to be in love with his captain,” he said, “but I’ll be damned if I can’t have you, Min Yoongi.”

He leaned in and captured my lips in a chaste kiss. I reciprocated, clutching his cheeks and pulling him down to deepen the kiss. We kissed like it was the last time we were going to see each other, despite the expedition not happening until the day after tomorrow. I kissed him so that he could understand that ‘I love you’ wasn’t a good enough expression of what he meant to me. I kissed him like I wanted him to take my last dying breath, so that I wouldn’t give the Titans the satisfaction they crave from pointlessly killing humans.

I felt myself moving backward until my back hit the wall, then Jungkook lifting me by my thighs and wrapping my legs around his slim waist. I wrapped my arms around his neck, sliding my tongue against his bottom lip.

“Captain...” Jungkook whispered against my lips. “I think... we should take this somewhere else.”

“Agreed,” I said immediately, trying to steady my breathing. “Is anyone... in the corridor?” While still holding me, Jungkook walked backward to the door and pressed his ear against the wooden door. After a beat of silence, he shook his head.

He opened the door, carefully twisting the doorknob, and pushed it back with his left foot. The fact that he could balance on one foot while still carrying me made me feel... _more attracted._ Everything about Jungkook was so _attractive._

As quietly as possible, he tiptoes down the hallway, holding me close as I tucked my head into the crook of his neck. Not being able to control myself, I left a trail of kisses down his neck as he walked, gently biting his Adam's apple at the end. Jungkook gasped quietly, and I could feel his cheeks heating up from embarrassment. I giggled, thinking about how _cute_ he was.

My quarters were closest to my office, and after fumbling for a minute with the knob, we finally got in. Once the door was shut, Jungkook didn’t hesitate and immediately pushed me up against the door, allowing me to leave _more_ kisses on his neck. I got bold and started to suck on a particular spot on the side of his neck, leaving my mark. He didn’t ask me to stop, however, and so I got bolder. I brushed my fingers on his hands still holding my thighs, and he promptly let me down, trapping me in with his arms outstretched on both sides of my head. I smirked, gently pushing him towards my bed. He sat on the mattress, holding himself up with his hands behind him, his breathing labored and his hair tousled from my fingers running through it. I took off my boots and undid my harnesses, throwing them haphazardly to the side. Jungkook followed suit, then reached for my hands and intertwined our fingers together.

“Captain—I mean, Yoongi,” he corrected himself. “Jin told me everything about your will, and about your feelings for me.” Staring at our hands, he continues on. “I’d always been by your side, even though I didn’t become Vice-Captain till two years ago, and I swore to keep that position. Through everything that’s happened since I joined the military, you’ve _always_ been there, and every time I came back alive from an expedition, you’d always congratulate me on coming back alive.” He laughed at the memory, and I laughed too just by staring at him. He held my hands and pulled me down, causing my knees to bump the bed and my chest to hit Jungkook’s. Shamelessly, I thought, _Wow, his pecs are so_ built. _How did he get so fit?_

“But never in a million years—and I don’t mean this in a bad way—did I think I was going to fall for my captain.” He leaned into my ear and spoke so quietly, a shiver went down my spine. “But I think I’ve fallen for you, _Yoongi."_

Hearing him say my _name,_ compared to others, made me feel like I was the only man in the world for Jungkook. It made me forget about the foreboding day that was coming at us more quickly than we thought. It made me forget about anything related to the expedition, any untimely deaths—hell, I forgot that we were living in a world surrounded by _monsters._

That’s how Jungkook made me feel. _Hopeful._

The rest of the night goes by in a blur. I remember tugging off his jacket, undoing his shirt buttons, leaving marks along his torso as I pinned him down to the mattress, the sound of his voice moaning my name over and over. Eventually, we fell asleep, our half-naked bodies laid next to each other and our legs tangled under my tiny blanket. I couldn’t sleep at first, my body going on overdrive from all the serotonin running through my brain, and so I found myself studying Jungkook’s face. From the small scar on his left cheek he got from training, to his soft doe eyes, to his overbite peeking out of his lips—everything was _beautiful,_ and I’m so happy I got to tell him and experience it all for myself.

Then, the image came back. _A decapitated head, with their fearful_ doe eyes _boring into mine._

I bit my lip and swallowed down a sob, telling myself not to think about it.

_Don’t get too attached._

Quietly, as I brushed away his bangs and got a full view of his peaceful face, I said to myself, “I love him. I don’t care if I need to pay the price. Whatever it takes, I just need to make sure _he—_ no, _we—_ survive and live on together. _Together.”_

~~~

_D-DAY_

_“Prepare for departure! We will be moving out in half an hour!”_

Hoseok ran around the stables, making sure the horses were well fed and prepared. Taehyung helped Yeonjun with his gear, as it was giving him some trouble. Seokjin had his ‘serious business’ attitude on, barking orders left and right and keeping his Vice-Captain Minhyuk on his toes.

In the midst of all the chaos of preparing for an expedition, I thought back to the conversation Jungkook and I had this morning.

—

_“...what’s this, Captain?”_

_I held out a small, worn box to him. Wordlessly, I gestured to him to open it, hoping he got the message. But of course, Jungkook being Jungkook, he got it and just threw it to the side._ _Standing up, he shouted, “What the_ fuck _are you trying to get at? Is this your idea for some kind of_ joke?”

_I kept my composure, crossing my arms across my chest. I felt one of the hickies Jungkook marked on my pecs starting to bruise. “It’s a_ precaution, _Jungkook, in case something happens to me. Of course, with how things are between us now, I wanted to give it to you_ personally. _Are you gonna fault me for being_ sentimental?”

_“Of course not!” Jungkook balled his hands into fists. “I’m gonna fault you for even_ thinking _that you’re not going to survive. This is just a_ regular _old expedition, just simply going and coming back. What’s with the wariness?”_

_Sighing, I reached out and held his hand tightly, afraid that he'd let it go. “Jungkook, listen to me. I’ve been... I’ve been having weird visions about today, about the squad, and_ especially _about you.” His expression softened, and he intertwined our fingers as I continued. “I guess you can say that paranoia is starting to get the best of me, but what am I supposed to do? You are_ everything _to me, Jungkook, whether we got into this—this_ situation _—or if we never did. So, please... accept it. Or if you don’t want to, just promise me you’ll keep it safe.”_

_Jungkook looked away as he considered what I said. I eyed him with a worried expression, which may have or may not have influenced his decision. Either it was because he always seemed to have a soft spot for me, or maybe he just thought of my words as an order from his captain._

_Whatever it was, the tense silence made my skin crawl._

_After some time, he sighed and reached down for the box. Opening it carefully, he pulled out a polished, silver wedding band with three small diamonds embedded. It was the ring my mother wore on her wedding day and had given to me before I went to the military. It was a good luck charm of sorts, as she had worn it through my (long but successful) birth, the day she narrowly avoided a head-on collision with a carriage rider, and the day she made the biggest sale of her life at her jewelry store._

_I told Jungkook all this so that he knew how important this ring was to me. “And now, since I consider you my closest confidant and one of humankind’s strongest soldiers who will follow in my footsteps one day, you’re my new lucky charm.”_

_He gave me the ring, asking me to put it on him, to which I happily obliged. I slid it on, and he took a moment to admire how the gems twinkled in the candlelight. He looked back to me, eyes watery with tears again, and then lifted my hand to his lips. With a small smile and a determined look, Jungkook let go of my hand and balled a fist across his chest in a salute._ _“I will return alive today, and then I will marry you, Captain Min Yoongi!” He declared in my room._

_Embarrassed, I hit his arm and chastised him for being cheesy. My cheeks flared up, and of course, he teased me for it, smiling widely with his rabbit teeth on full display._ _“Let’s return alive today, Jungkook,” I ordered, and of course, he nodded once and said, “Yes, sir!” and then pulled me in for a chaste kiss._

—

“...lo? Earth to Yoongo?”

Seokjin’s voice snapped me back to reality. I blinked and turned to give him my full and undivided attention. “Can I help you?” I inquired, as Seokjin only came to me to ask for a favor. However, instead of a favor, he just smirked and looked over to Jungkook, who was double-checking the weaponry. “So you finally talked it out, huh? You’ve been staring in his direction this whole time with a stupid smile on your face.”

Feigning ignorance, I just shrugged. “Yeah, I guess you can say that,” I said, then added with a smirk, “and then we talked it out with some _tongue.”_

Looking absolutely horrified, Seokjin gasped and hit my arm, which unfazed me. “Min Yoongi, have some _decency!_ We’re in a _public space!”_ I shrugged again, putting my hands in my pockets and walking away to where Jungkook was. Seokjin fake-gagged when I stopped Jungkook and fixed his uniform, then overdramatically pretended to pass out when I patted his butt (which Jungkook weirdly seemed to like _a lot)_.

Once Seokjin ran off to find Hoseok and tell him everything, I finally breathed again. “Sometimes, I _absolutely_ can’t stand that man,” I said, which made Jungkook chuckle. I turned and gave him a soft smile, taking his hand in mine and admiring how it looked with the ring on. “Let me just take a minute to appreciate how beautiful your hand is.”

“I didn’t know you had a thing for hands, Captain,” Jungkook teased. In retaliation, I let go and flick his forehead, which only made him cackle. “And apparently, you have a thing for butt grabbing, huh?” I challenged, flicking him again for good measure. Before Jungkook could speak again, Hoseok and the rest of my squad barreled over to us.

“Looks like Jin told you,” I said, holding up Jungkook’s hand. Hoseok yelped, as if he couldn’t believe what was in front of his eyes. “B-but _when? How? What??”_ He didn’t know where to begin with his questions, and so he just grabbed Jungkook’s hand and smoothed his fingers over the ring. “Seokjin never mentioned you’re getting _married!_ Explain yourselves, Min and Jeon.”

We looked at each other, silently conversing over what we should answer with. While this was happening, Taehyung gushed about us. “Aren’t they _so_ cute, though? Someone’s gonna have to keep Cap grounded, and I’m glad it’s Jungkook of all people.” Kihyun agreed with his comrade. “It’s only natural that they’d hit it off, since they basically spend every waking hour together.” Even the new kid, Yeonjun, seemed to also acknowledge the notion. Like they say, kids catch on quickly.

“Thank you for your blessings,” I replied. “For the rest of whatever time we have left, me and Jungkook are together. Not _married,_ per se, but _together.”_

“...but basically married,” Jungkook added. “We have the rings to prove it.” He held up his and my hand, which had a matching wedding band that was left by my father after he passed away from sickness.

The squad (and Hoseok) screamed with delight, excited that I had finally gotten laid _and_ a fiancé. With them being them, I didn’t doubt that things would turn out this way, until Namjoon came over to see what the fuss was about. Hoseok beat us to it with the reveal, although it was a bit difficult to understand through his tears of joy. Nonetheless, the commander simply looked at us with a smile and then put a hand on each of our shoulders. “Congratulations on getting this hard-headed son of a bitch to feel some emotions,” he said to Jungkook, then turned to me and remarked, “Treat him right, or I will have your black tea confiscated.”

Narrowing my eyes, I called his bluff. “You wouldn’t _dare,”_ I said sarcastically.

—

“Alright, soldiers! Stick to the formation, and we’ll finish the expedition before sundown! _Move out!”_

The soldiers’ horses in front of us started riding, one of the supply carts in tow. We start to move, too, making sure we stay in line with the formation Namjoon drew up for us. Like it was discussed before, Yeonjun was in Jackson’s unit because of his lack of experience. It made sense why he was there in the first place, with Jackson being the most capable of taking care of new recruits, and although I wasn’t too keen on being short one soldier, I trusted that Namjoon knew what he was doing when he assigned him to that unit.

Meanwhile, I glanced to my right and caught sight of a red flare. _A Titan’s been spotted,_ I thought. “Yoo! Pass it on!” I ordered Kihyun, and he immediately followed suit. When this happened, the group needed to shift direction according to what Commander Kim says, and sure enough, Hoseok arrived to give us new orders. “We’re heading due east, to the Forest of Giant Trees. If there’s any Titans spotted on your way, I trust that your impeccable teamwork and skills can take them out.”

“Don’t have to tell us twice, Hoseok,” Taehyung grinned. “You can count on us!”

Hoseok reciprocated the grin, then fixed a serious expression towards me. “I’ll leave it to you and your squad, Min. Return alive today.” I faced forward again, scoffing at his words. “I intend on doing that, whether you told me or not.”

Once I said those words, a black flare went up from the left-wing. _An Abnormal? This early on?_ My paranoia came back to haunt me again as I looked in that direction, only to see my comrades engaged in a losing battle. 

I watched in horror as a new recruit fired the hooks of their 3DMG cables and missed the Titan’s nape, then I saw her being picked out of the air by its hand. Her last words were pleas for mercy, futilely swinging her blade around to make some kind of cut or gash. Eventually, her skull was crushed between the Titan’s teeth and ripped away from her neck, and her body went limp. The blood gushing from her neck stained her uniform, like a twisted version of those decorative water fountains. One of her comrades screamed, as they were also a new recruit, and stupidly tried to exact their revenge on the giant. But just like her, their fate was predetermined, as their body was torn limb by limb, leaving a chorus of terrified shrieks in their wake.

_Dismembered bodies. Half-eaten torsos. The doe-eyed severed head._ My head began to be filled up with the visions I kept seeing before today, like this situation was a bad omen.

“Captain!” Jungkook put his hand on my shoulder, snapping me out of my thoughts. “The forest!”

Shaking my head vigorously, I refocused on the mission. I couldn’t afford to show fear when my squad was depending on me to keep them in line. I couldn’t afford to think about an unfortunate ending when I have the chance to make sure that doesn’t happen. I couldn’t afford to have an ill fate take over my thoughts when I can rewrite it.

I wanted Taehyung to go back to his sweetheart and give them their chance at happiness. I wanted Kihyun to live on and see his brother, who was living in a refugee camp. I wanted Hoseok and Seokjin to find out who the Titans were, and I wanted Namjoon to realize the dream he had since he was a child. I wanted to be there for Jungkook and love him with all of my being, and I wanted us to grow old and retire comfortably within Wall Sina.

_I_ _wanted to_ _live._

—

We made it to the forest sooner than expected, and according to Jungkook, Hoseok said our squad was supposed to keep riding on the path. Of course, I never doubted the words of my second-in-command, and we kept moving with our horses. On both sides, soldiers disembarked their horses and launched into the trees, leaping through the branches. I barked orders to my squad members, telling Taehyung and Kihyun to stay on my left and Jungkook to stay on my right. Another black flare went up behind us, just outside the forest, so I warned my team to be prepared. Without hesitation, they all drew their blades and stayed alert.

_Thud, thud, thud._

Heavy footsteps were hot on our trail, their pace quickening as they went deeper into the forest. I heard yelling and slicing as our comrades took it down, but as they finally brought it down, a plethora of black and red flares went up into the sky. Soon, the sky was nothing but a giant cloud of red and black. “Where the hell are these fuckers coming from?” Jungkook vocalized what I was thinking, as the thudding footsteps kept increasing and increasing. It was only a matter of time before—

_“AAAAHHHH!!!”_

An Abnormal Titan was heading right for us, its stupid mouth agape and ready to chomp on some human fodder.

The squad that was with us earlier, led by Commanding Officer Siyeon, charged at it, working harmoniously together. However, from what I remembered, Siyeon had five people on her squad, and I could only count three...

“Taehyung, Kihyun! Assist them!” I ordered. Immediately, they sprang into action, with the latter swiftly slicing through the wind and carving out the nape, successfully bringing it down. After a quick _thanks_ from Siyeon, another Titan slowly walked toward them, like it was taking a leisurely stroll through the timber.

They took it down successfully, slightly easing my nerves, at least until we reached the clearing.

It was like a bloodbath, with disembodied arms and legs strewn about the dirt floor. Some torsos were missing their heads, while others had their heads but not their bottom halves. One body was still gushing blood and only one of their legs survived. The heads I found the most unnerving, as their frightened eyes were still wide open and their mouths were ajar from the screams they let out. Before I could do or say anything, Jungkook knelt down next to one of the heads and closed their eyes.

“Is this what you saw in your visions, Captain?” He asked, staring at the head. I gulped down the bile rising in my throat and replied, “Something like this, yes.”

“Except it was me you saw,” he added, which I agreed with. Slowly, he stood up and wiped his hands on his cloak, then saluted the fallen soldier. He turned to me, taking my hand into his, the ring gleaming in the sunlight. “But that won’t happen today. I swear to you, I _will_ survive, and I _will_ live on with you.”

My eyes watered, my emotions finally reaching full capacity as I smiled sadly at my companion—not only my squad companion, but my soon-to-be _life_ companion. I finally understood why Taehyung proposed to Jimin before he went on this expedition: he wanted to make sure Jimin knew that he loved him, and that he would do whatever it took to come back.

“Me too, Kook. I will survive, too,” I caressed his cheek, brushing the pad of my thumb across his scar. For extra reassurance, I pinched his cheek, which made him smile just a bit. It felt wrong to act at ease whilst surrounded by mutilated bodies, but during times where the world felt dismal, I had to ground myself somehow. For once, I felt optimistic about an expedition. I wasn’t going to let some naked bastard get in my way.

A scream ripped through the air, coming from where Siyeon’s squad, Taehyung, and Kihyun were holding off Titans. They seemed to be at their limit, judging from how long it had been since I sent my members to assist. Unsheathing my blades, I give my orders to Jungkook, strategizing how we were going to take down the giants without any casualties.

When it came to power duos, Jungkook and I were like birds of a feather. Together, we’ve killed almost thirty of those motherfuckers, and today, we’ll kill thirty more if that was how we were going to make it out alive.

—

We launched ourselves into the trees, hooking ourselves to the tree bark and swinging toward the targets. Once we arrived at the scene, thankfully no one was dead, but Taehyung didn’t look so good. “What happened?” I asked Jooheon, one of Siyeon’s. He replaced his blades as he said, “He went in to save Kihyun before it was too late, which he did, but he took a huge blow to the head.”

Kihyun was wrapping some cloth bandages around Taehyung’s head, which was bleeding out from one side, shaking with anxiety and guilt. The former was well versed in medicine and tending to wounds, so I wasn’t worried about losing a life. For good measure, though, I ordered him to retreat to a supply cart and get extra help, which he did. Again, I wasn’t happy with not having enough soldiers, but Siyeon’s team could hold their own.

Also, now they had “Humanity’s Strongest Power Couple.”

“Tell your squad to take a minute to breathe, Siyeon,” I advised. “Jooheon and Wonho have worked hard enough.” I held my blades at the ready, giving Jungkook a stern nod. “We’ll take it from here.” She opened her mouth to argue, but before she could say anything, Jungkook and I were already in battle mode.

Three Titans were waiting for us, one four-meter and two seven-meters, and given their small stature, we already had this in the bag. “You take the four, Kook! I got the other two!” I yelled, to which Jungkook responded with, “Roger that!”

I launched the grappling hooks toward the left one’s shoulder, using the momentum to bring myself up and toward the giant’s eyes. After successfully blinding it, I launched the hooks again into its neck, swinging myself around so I was behind its neck. With a clear shot of its neck, I pressed the gas and propelled myself to it with my blades at the ready. I spun around and sliced through the flesh, like a knife cutting through well-done meat, and then wasted no time in going to the next one.

“Captain! I took care of it!” Jungkook came to assist me after killing his victim, flying through the air with his blades sheathed. The other one tried to swat him out of the air, but he was able to maneuver away from its reach, making his way toward me.

Once he reached, Jungkook caught his breath and wiped away some blood on his cheek, which was already evaporating. “What’s the plan, Yoongi?” My heart skipped a beat at him saying my name, but I told myself to concentrate. “You go in and blind it, and if that’s unsuccessful, slice at its ankles. Just make sure it’s vulnerable enough for me to get close to its nape. I’ll try to get its arms down.” Jungkook readied his blades and focused his view on the Titan’s feet, and I could see the gears turning in his head. With a firm nod, he looked over at me, then leaned in to give me a good luck kiss on the cheek. “Roger that, Cap,” he smiled.

And then, he’s off, with me following close behind. He propelled himself forward, aiming for the ankles as I told him. Faster than I could comprehend, he cleaved the left one, followed by the right. While he was down there, I worked on getting the giant’s arms incapacitated, flying through the air and slicing through the flesh and muscles. I channeled my rage into every lesion, thinking about everyone I had seen die in front of my eyes: 

Jiwoo.

_Slice._

Somin.

_Slice._

Hyungwon.

 _Slice._

Gahyeon.

 _Slice._

Hyunwoo.

_Slice._

_...my own mother._

_Slice._

I finally got the arms severed, along with some other lacerations resulting from my emotions. Once I saw its legs giving out, thanks to Jungkook, I knew the bastard was ready to die. Together, we yelled defiantly as we fired our grappling hooks and shot ourselves towards the nape, bringing down our blades with all our might. The blood gushed out, dirtying our uniforms and splattering our cheeks. It started to evaporate soon enough, as Titan bodies and bodily fluids tended to do, and then we shifted our position to assess the carnage we trailed in our wake.

“Well,” Siyeon spoke first, “I expected nothing less from Humanity’s Strongest and his vice-captain. Thank you, Captain Min.” I accepted the gratitude, of course, as any soldier would. “Just doing my job. Now, let’s move on before more of those fuckers come—”

Before I could finish my sentence, a fifteen-meter came out of nowhere and grabbed Jooheon, who then became paralyzed with fear. He screamed and begged for his life, kicking his legs and attempting to break out of its hold.

“Shit,” I swore under my breath, then yelled “Jungkook!” as I launched myself at the Titan. He followed closely behind, along with Siyeon and Wonho. The latter asked, “Captain Min, what should we do?!” Instead of me answering, Jungkook spoke up. “Wonho, go around and try to disable his ankles! Captain Lee, go for the arms! Me and Captain Min will try to keep Jooheon from being eaten!” They quickly sprang into action, zipping through the air and doing what they were ordered to do. Just from that alone, I could tell that Jungkook was going to make an amazing leader in the Corps one day.

He was made for _greatness._

Just as Jooheon was about to reach the Titan’s mouth, I hastily cut through its jaw so that its mouth wouldn’t be able to close. Simultaneously, Jungkook severed the fingers and caught the unconscious soldier in his arms, carrying him bridal style to a tree that stood at a safe distance. “Jeon got him!” I waved to the other two. “Let’s go!” The duo made haste and briskly flew away with their maneuver gear, but as I was about to disembark from the tree I was standing in, I felt something grab my legs.

_Oh, no..._

I turned around and found myself face-to-face with another [fifteen-meter,](https://www.anime-planet.com/images/characters/smiling-titan-55636.jpg?t=1529738662) whose hand was gripping the bottom half of my body. Its eyes were small and slanted, and the dumbest grin stretched across its face, like it was permanently smiling. The hair was short and... was it blonde? Gray? I didn’t really get a good look at it. But what I do remember is how I froze up, paralyzed with fear, my limbs going numb like someone had put them to sleep. I never understood other soldiers when they said being _touched_ and being _faced_ by a Titan were two separate feelings and experiences. 

When you face one, you channel your rage and let it overcome you. When it touches you, fear wins over resolve and you become helpless, finding yourself at the end of the line.

All I could think about in that moment, where my life flashed before my eyes, was how blessed I was to be a soldier in this regiment—let alone a _Squad Captain._ I was lucky enough to be surrounded by loving, caring, and talented comrades, who I could always count on for anything. Namjoon, the commander who took me in and taught me how to be a soldier. Seokjin, who made me realize how _stupid_ I could be when it came to how I expressed myself. Hoseok, who used his superiority to welcome me properly and told other soldiers to back off whenever I was picked on for my height. Taehyung and Kihyun, who proved to be talented soldiers and some of the closest friends I’d ever have.

Jungkook, who saw me at the brink of insanity after that one emotionally draining expedition; who stuck by me in every argument I had with Namjoon; who willingly spent his free time organizing my books or helping me with cleaning; who stayed headstrong when I couldn’t; who trained for days and _days,_ just to prove to me that he could stay in my squad; who showed me how to love; who made me feel worthy of being loved.

_“...yes, Jungkook. I am in love with you,”_ I recalled myself saying, _“and until my last breath, I always will be.”_

“Until my last dying breath...” I uttered, chuckling at this cruel fate. “At least I wasn’t lying.”

~~~  
_END_

_?_

**Author's Note:**

> i may write an epilogue, if anyone's interested. :)
> 
> meanwhile, you should follow me on twitter: @communistynkk
> 
> (p.s: also, if you want maximum feels for the last scene, listen to "vogel im kafig" for a good cry)


End file.
